The Grim Reaper's Challenge
by Illuminet
Summary: Ragna The Bloodedge decides to make a little wager with Rachel's servant, Hellsing Valkenhaym. This is not really plot related to the game's story, sorry. COMPLETE.


The Grim Reaper's Challenge

Written By Illuminet

Disclaimer: The characters from the BlazBlue series are the rightful property of Arc System Works.

:BE/READY\FOR/THE\REBEL:

This day would have been a normal everyday occurrence for the lives of a select few, had some words been said and others spared. Let's begin our story somewhere not too, too far from the 13th Hierarchical City of Kagutsuchi.

:BE/READY\FOR/THE\REBEL:

"What's up with you anyway, old man? Yeah you keep spouting that nonsense about me and the rabbit being worlds apart and all, but how about some physical restraint here or something? I'm tired of that damn evil eye of your's, even if it is always her fault!" Ragna the Bloodedge scowled deeply. He could barely maintain eye contact with the sharp eyed elder servant before him. He had to get these words off his chest though. He wasn't really sure what to think of Rachel's strange visits to him, or -advances- as he would sometimes call it. Valkenhaym was capable of restraining his master, but knew it was not his place to do so physically. He would constantly use words and hope she would grow bored of Ragna, but she never did. Even if he lived to serve, he cursed behind closed doors about her infatuation of the man who was just a boy in his wizened eyes.

"I think the answer should be quite obvious, young man. She is the head of the illustrious Alucard family and I but a mere servant. A caretaker yes, but a servant can never be anything more than that." The answer was crisp as his sharp gaze, and Ragna restrained the urge to growl like an animal. Coming from an orphanage and admittedly knowing nothing of aristocratic society made him always feel the bitting edge that Nobles seem to stab him with. Their sense of superiority. Sure he probably was inferior in nearly all levels compared to Rachel and her servants, but them finding ways to rub it in his face was becoming more and more aggravating.

"You bastard...I ought to..." Ragna muttered, his fingers itching to reach back on the long handle of his wide blade.

"Watch yourself kid. We both know you could not handle me in one on one combat. If you make the first move...I'll be forced to defend myself. Or perhaps you like making a fool out of yourself in front of Madam Rachel?" Valkenhaym cracked his knuckles. Ragna spat, holding himself back. Being that he was friends with Jubei, who happened to be Ragna's teacher in the martial arts, meant he was probably able to give Ragna a beating which he would not soon forget. Seeing Rachel's slight upturning of the lips out the corner of his eye, Ragna grunted in annoyance. How could he challenge Valkenhaym and have a much improved chance to one up the old sly bastard?

"Fuck..." He muttered, his brain running a marathon to think upon the situation.

"Well if your simmered down already, then we will be off." Valkenhaym walked toward the pocket of Requiem Rachel had created. Ragna's head jumped a switch at the word -simmered-.

"Hey old man...I got a proposition for you." He took a step forward. Rachel and the others were surprised at this. Usually Ragna was left to moodily wander off, but he was going to stand his ground this time?

"Oh? And what might a young whipper-snapper like you be able to do?" Valkenhaym had to admit he was curious at what the youth would employ.

"So a little blue bird once told me your quite skilled at cooking. I think you can understand where I'm going with this, eh?" Ragna smirked. With a genuine love of cooking, he was sure this gave him steadier grounds to challenge the old coot.

"Your challenging me to a match of culinary wit and skill? What are the terms?" Valkenhaym remained impassive, his own love of cooking making him believe this challenge to be quite fitting.

"Geez, can't you just call it a cooking contest? Anyway, here's the terms: You win, for one month I'll be a respective servant to herr damn highness and won't complain about a single act of bitchiness. I win, you physically restrain her from seeing or following me for a month." Ragna would have preferred than he make Valkenhaym restrain her forever but knew the terms would be too one sided for the old man to accept. It was a bold move, for Ragna was well aware of Rachel's treatments of her servants. Seeing the way her evil smile seemed to widen at the proposition made him want to cringe. He liked it when he could catch those rare but genuine smiles she possessed on occasion, but could never let her know he'd seen such a thing. But that's a story for another day.

"I consent to your terms...but we will need an adequate judge to test the food. Madam Rachel will not count." Valkenhaym was feeling the twitch of excitement in his old bones. So much so that he wanted an honest challenge. Seeing the glint in the younger man's eyes made the older one know that they had one thing in common now. Despite his loyalty to Rachel, he knew that if she was the judge, she would fix it so Ragna lost because the terms were just too tempting and she would relish the chance, even if for but a month.

"Valkenhaym, why am I not allowed to judge in this? As your master, I demand you take those words back." Rachel was miffed at this, but Ragna stepped in.

"Sorry rabbit, but a challenge amongst men ain't no place for the taking back of words. The completeness of these terms are nearly set. The question is, who can we get to be the judges? I say you choose two, old man and I choose two as well." Ragna hated to admit it, but he was feeling giddy. He'd never had a chance to test skills with something he was actually fond of more than fighting itself.

"Agreed. I believe the appointed place should be secluded. We will meet and discuss such a place at the monorail system at Kagutsuchi as it is the closest Hierarchical City nearby by night fall." Valkenhaym claimed. Ragna grinned.

"Deal!" With that he held out his open palm, which was soundly grasped in a firm handshake by the older man. No hesitation. A man's challenge indeed.

:BE/READY\FOR/THE\REBEL:

"Jubei, old friend, I've found you at last." Valkenhaym appeared before the Grimalkin.

"Huh? Well Hellsing...almost didn't recognize you since your not in the usual stick in the mud mode. What can I do for you?" The cat like creature asked.

"Your apprentice has challenged me...to a cooking contest. I know you would not be biased and have tried both of our dishes in the past. I would like you to be one out of the two of the judges I decide upon." The words made Jubei's head almost go for a spin.

"Well now...that greenhorn former student finally stood up to you...but with this challenge eh? Heck I wouldn't mind. But who else would you want to be the other judge? It's not Ms. Rachel, is it?" The Grimalkin questioned.

"No. The other I had in mind...well perhaps it not best to say..." Valkenhaym knew he had wanted Jubei from the start, but the other was nearly out of the question. Jubei seemed to be able to sense this.

"Don't tell me...you want Hakumen in this one? You know how he and Ragna are..." Jubei seemed pretty concerned himself, crossing his arms in thought.

"It is indeed a long shot..." Valkenhaym stroked his beard.

"Well...guess there's no harm in asking."

:BE/READY\FOR/THE\REBEL:

"You should have thought that through more before coming before me, you two. Jubei, Hellsing...your good friends to me, but what your asking me...I cannot agree. Ragna the Bloodedge is involved after all. With the time loop erased, we should not be meeting. I should not even exist anymore." Hakumen's frame towered over the other two. Being that they had been allies in the Dark War, he did want to help his comrades.

"Ah, come on Hakumen! You can wear a hood or something so Ragna wouldn't be able to see your face anyway. I could give you a spare of mine." Jubei offered. They had been arguing for a couple of hours, trying to ware down on Hakumen's nerves but it was a trying and difficult debate.

"Your persistent. Both of you...and it has been some time since Hellsing has had such a passionate gleam to his eyes..." The Susano'oh unit sighed.

"So are you considering...?" Jubei didn't want to press the man further, feeling he may have gotten in enough to persuade him.

"Damn...very well, but only on the condition that I am left unrecognizable. And I mean completely unrecognizable." He said.

:BE/READY\FOR/THE\REBEL:

"Hey doc, got a favor to ask you." Ragna's appearance to the Orient Town's clinic was unexpected. After the debacle with his arrival and destruction of the NOL branch in the city, few though he would stroll on by in the city again. He had a mission that depended on him to taken down Valkenhaym a peg or two. Litchi Faye Ling seemed like a plausibly normal person he had met in the Hierarchical City.

"Whoa! Hey aren't you...?" Her assistant, Linhua, was wide eyed at how casually the SS class Criminal came in.

"You a nurse or something? Anyway, let me see doc Faye Ling." He said, looking around for the female clinic owner. Linhua was apprehensive of this, but before she could say anything, Ragna was struck down as a white blur pounced on him.

"Give me food, good guy!!" Taokaka was licking at his face like a typical house pet.

"Gah! Dammit, you again?!?! Tao, get off me already!" He tried to pry her face away from his own, his face doused with her slobber already in such a short time. She was damn fast that was for sure. In a lot of aspects other than her intelligence.

"Tao! Get off that man right...huh, it's you. But why are you here?" The beautiful clinic owner questioned upon seeing Ragna.

"Hey doc, I need a favor." He was finally able to get his legs round the cat girl's hips and pry her free, flinging her into a table. Not that it did much to make her docile.

"A favor?" She couldn't think of anything he would need help with from a doctor like her.

"I'm in a cooking contest and I need a couple of people to be taste judges for the food." He said. She pounced on him again and he found himself in the same predicament as before. Ragna felt his face scrunched up even further when Taokaka heard him say that magic word.

"FOOD?!?! Come on, good guy, let Tao eat in this contest! Please, mew? I promise we'll eat it together!" When food was involved, the cat girl had the barest glimmer of fitting the right words in a somewhat understandable sentence.

"Tao, get off me first and I might consider it." Ragna was glad when he felt the overwhelming pressure against his skull leave. Rising up to full height again, he saw Taokaka kneeling dutifully with her tongue hanging from her mouth on one side.

"Wow, she calmed down quickly for once. But she kind of seems more like a dog right now..." Litchi commented, seeing the cat girl's tail swishing about behind her.

"Hey boobie lady, Tao's Tao, not a dog!" Taokaka seemed ready to pounce on the ample chested doctor.

"Hey Tao, I ain't gonna have a need for a judge who can't even show self restraint. I might as well have the nurse chick go instead." Ragna said, pointing to Linhua.

"Hey, I didn't have anything to do with this initially...right?" Linhua shrugged it off, but she was admittedly curious if Ragna was actually any good at cooking. Being a criminal didn't make her have a decent opinion of him, but neither Litchi or Tao seemed worried for their safety. Ragna may not have been the big bad villain he was made out to be by the NOL.

"I do owe you for that one time. I guess I'll be one of your judges." Litchi said. Ragna looked thankful.

"Hey, thanks a bunch for this, doc. Can the other chick be a judge too?" He asked. Taokaka practically crushed his fake arm in her hold.

"No, good guy!! Make Tao a judge. Tao will be a good judge!! Please, meow?!" The cat girl was shaking him so hard the metal appendage might just be ripped free from the socket connecting it to his body.

"Tao, I can't use you as a judge. Your energy makes you go all over the place, not to mention your attention span is seriously lacking, and I'll bet your not even sure what exactly a judge does." Ragna used his foot to finally pry his arm free from her hold.

"But Tao knows!! Judge is...something...uh...it's..." Taokaka's head hurt just trying to think on the word.

"I'm sorry Linhua, but could you also be a judge for Mr. Ragna? We'll be closing the clinic for the day anyway. He did help me out sometime back and I'd like to return the favor." Litchi whispered to her assistant. The girl conceded since he really seemed to need help, plus it was a free meal.

"Oh alright...Mr. Grim Reaper sir, I'll be one of your judges too." Linhua said.

"Hey thanks for this too, uh..." He didn't even know her name.

"Linhua." She offered. He nodded.

"Cool, so now that were all acquainted, we'll meet up at the monorail system." He said and began to leave, but noticed Taokaka wallowing in the fact that she wasn't able to be a judge. He knelt down and stroked her covered head.

"Hey Tao, you can have the leftovers if you want. We'll probably need some kind of cleaning crew...I guess." He offered. The cat girl's eyes sparkled.

"Really, mew?!?! You really are a good guy!!" She tackled him and proceeded to hug him to death in her giddy state thinking about what yummy food might be presented to her.

"Tao..! Can't...breathe...!!"

:BE/READY\FOR/THE\REBEL:

The Monorail was shut down late at night.

"It's getting late. Maybe he chickened out?" Gii said as he balanced on Nago's tail. Rachel rested in the seat the cat familiar was currently formed as, tapping her lithe fingers on the arm rest. At Gii's words, the bat familiar was knocked off by a well aimed elbow to the gut. Jubei and Hakumen sat by a glinted table with two other empty seats for Ragna's judges, Hakumen garbed in a robe with the same style as Jubei's own. He looked down at the table, somewhat dreading the coming of Ragna. Valkenhaym was waiting in a kitchen set environment brought out with the use of Requiem. There was another for Ragna.

"It is getting late...but that boy seems too stubborn to have turned tail and ran..." The Butler muttered, more to himself than the others.

"Yo." Ragna made his way to the center of the monorail. Litchi, Linhua, and an oddly docile Taokaka in tow.

"Hey kid, glad you could make it. Took your sweet time though." Jubei spoke up upon Ragna's eyes meeting with his.

"Huh, so your one of the judges? Whose the other guy?" Ragna pointed to Hakumen. The Susano'o unit was irritable though it didn't show under his cover. Luckily Jubei spoke in his place.

"A good friend of Valkenhaym's and me. I'll say it's a surprise to see little Linhua out and about at this time. Thought there was only suppose to be two judges." Jubei skillfully changed the subject off Hakumen.

"Hey I'm not that small, and Taokaka's not one of the judges." Linhua knew little about Jubei but knew enough to be friendly.

"That is fine and well, for Madam Rachel is also a spectator in this event. Now young man, I've taken the liberty of arranging our stage for battle here. I will go over a brief overview, so you make work your kitchen in a civilized manner." Valkenhaym was as crisp in tone as ever, but there was a definite gleam in his eye. He wanted to compete genuinely. Ragna could feel it. As the two did the small tour, the two female judges took their places at the table with the two male ones. Taokaka was being strangely obedient and reserved, acting as proper as a girl should. It was much to the dismay of Litch and Linhua, who had never seen her like this except in rare moments of sleep.

"It's weird, Dr. Faye Ling. Whatever Mr. Ragna said to her on the way made her stop bouncing around." Linhua whispered. Litchi could only nod. She could use a steam bun to sate the energetic girl, but it wasn't like this.

"Heh! No doubt my former apprentice swooned her with how good the food she's going to get will be. I'm pretty famished myself, though, so I wouldn't blame her. How long she'll be able to endure when they start cooking is the real test for her, though." Jubei's sensitive hearing caught their conversation and began talking again to get the two females to talk to him. Hakumen had to admit he was pleased with how well Jubei was keeping the focus on himself rather than the Susano'o Unit. The attention went to Ragna and Valkenhaym after their little tutorial, and by some weird chance seemed to be talking in a civilized manner.

"So young man, you got it all?" Valkenhaym finished. Ragna removed his sword and jammed it into the ground and placed his red coat along with gloves on the pommel of the weapon. Rolling his sleeves up to at least elbow high and tossing on an apron, he spun a cleaver expertly in his left hand like he did with his massive sword on occasion, grinning with a genuine feeling of competition.

"I don't know what your going to cook, old man...but I'll tell you this much...you ain't gonna win this easily. No, not by a long shot!" He looked as ready as ever.

"You've still got a lot of growing up to do kid, but your competitive spirit is genuine, so you've got my respect for that! Let us begin!" Valkenhaym smirked. The fire of life burned in those wizened eyes. They knew well ahead a time about what they were going to make and prepare. It had been in the back of their minds. As they began to make their dishes for the judges, they had lost track of time, their cooking felt like an eternity. In truth it had only been roughly an hour in a half without much of a problem. As Jubei had called, Taokaka had to be restrained several times already. Ragna could feel the sweat beating at his brow. A few drops slid from his brow and down his cheek, falling from his chin and onto the sleeve of his shirt. He didn't dare let his concentration falter by wiping his sweat free or mentally berating himself for not wearing a bandanna or headband of some sort. It would have been real helpful now.

'I need...to stay focused...!' He thought to himself. He was quickly finding that when something he loved was used for competitive purposes, a growing tenseness began to build. It reminded him of physical combat. Before he knew it they were done and serving the dishes to the judges and leaving some extra for the guests, Rachel and her familiars along with Taokaka. The cat girl tore into both dishes like they were the last meals on the planet and finished them in record time. Valkenhaym's demeanor was as composed as ever, while Ragna's own seemed tense.

"Well, since I'm familiar with both cooking, I'll start with Hellsing's first." Jubei eat the first bite from Valkemhaym's dish, taking slow and deliberate chews.

"I see your cooking skills haven't faltered with age. As good as always old friend." Jubei complimented. He tried Ragna's dish.

"Well kid, you've improved a lot from when you were training under me. Despite being mostly a self study with no real apprenticeship to go by when it came to cooking, you've got an amazing knack for it. Good job. I can't really find anything to knock about your dish either. Honestly, I'd have to go with a tie for my opinion. Both of you make dishes which just appeal to my pallet." Jubei gave his two cents to Ragna as well, before continuing to finish both meals as he had a monstrous appetite like Taokaka but was much more reserved in eating them. For the first judge, the score was tied with each chef having a point. Hakumen went next. He took a bite from each and did not spare any words in between.

"I give my point to Hellsing. His dish appeals to me more, though your's is still quite good as well bla...bloodedge." Hakumen almost felt his speech slip in trying to talk as quickly as possible. Ragna grunted at his decision but knew it best not to argue. Valkenhaym two points now, Ragna one.

"Well I guess it's my turn now." Litchi spoke. She took a bite from Valkenhaym's dish, and then Ragna's, doing her best to decide which one she was more fond of.

"Hmmm...this is a tough decision...both of your dishes are really good. Mr. Valkenhaym's dish isn't something I'm really used to eating. I guess it's just a little too refined for my tastes. I give a point to Mr. Ragna." Litchi decided after much thought. It really had been a tough decision for her. Knowing she could only finish one of the dishes, she gave the rest of Valkenhaym's to an eager Taokaka. Both cooks were tied again. Linhua was up next.

"Well...here goes..." She whispered to herself. A tenseness was building in both Valkenhaym and Ragna. She took her bites from each dish. Much as the trend was, both dishes were amazing to her taste buds in their own way.

"Damn this is a tough call like Dr. Faye Ling said...She is right that Mr. Valkenhaym's dish isn't something we're used to eating from where we come from...I'll call my vote to..." Her nervousness increased as the tension gained. Valkenhaym still seemed composed, but a single eyebrow seemed to twitch ever so slightly. Ragna was clenching his fists together.

"...a tie." She said finally after several minutes in a tiny voice that was just loud enough to be heard.

"A tie? So that means were at a tie for the whole thing as well...we never made terms for that." Ragna seemed puzzled by this development.

"That is true. There were no terms for this. I suppose we just call the whole thing off. It was a fun little diversion from my usual life. For that at least, I'm thankful to you, even if you are just a commoner." Valkenhaym mentioned, shaking Ragna's hand.

"That was pretty interesting, I gotta admit, and...wait, who you calling a commoner?!" Ragna wasn't given his answer as Rachel walked up to Valkenhaym.

"If your quite done, Valkenhaym, I believe it's time we went back. I would like tea sometime soon." She said. Valkenhaym bowed.

"It shall be done Madam Rachel." Valkenhaym bowed. He felt refreshed as ever from the little contest, having a small smile on his aged lips. The female Vampire turned to Ragna.

"Well, it seems you got lucky, Ragna. Had you lost and become my willing servant, I would have beaten all the vulgarity out of you slowly and painfully until you were the ideal servant like Valkenhaym." She said while brushing back a few stray strands of golden hair with her dainty hand.

"I wish I could say to just take a hike forever, rabbit, but oh well. Had I won I would have gotten the most glorious month of my life!" Ragna smirked at the prospect of it, though knew it wasn't coming. Rachel would probably torment him again with a visit.

"How rude. One such as yourself should be honored to have such a cute lass showing any interest in you." She said it so softly that no one heard it.

:BE/READY\FOR/THE\REBEL:

"Madam, I shall prepare tea immediately." Valkenhaym was gone within the castle quickly.

"Gii, Nago, I wish to be alone for awhile." Rachel said and dismissed her familiars, only meeting minimal resistance on their part. A lightning bolt remedied that. Now she had the pleasant silence of her favorite courtyard as she took a seat in a cushion chair by an ivory table. After Valkenhaym brought her tea, she dismissed him as well. From a pocket of Requiem she brought forth the remaining portions of Ragna's dish she had yet to finish.

"He really made it well. I do hope he will cook for me another time." She ate in peace while watching rose petals gliding through the sky.

FIN...

Note: It's more an experimental fic to see how well I can keep some of the odder cast of characters actually in character. Not really pleased with the story, or how Taokaka came out, but it's hard to write about her spastic nature. There's a tiny bit of Rag/Rac which I couldn't really help since that's my favorite pairing in BB.


End file.
